Battling Weight...

My battle with weight and diabetes begins in my mind.

I have spent most of my adult life in a battle with weight.  In the past few years I've been working really hard to slim down.  I've lost about 80 pounds give or take.  I thought I was doing the right things to avoid getting Diabetes.  It didn't turn out that way though.

Doctors seem to look at me a little cross eyed when I say I've lost that much weight.  It always makes me feel like a loser.  I'm prodded to drop more, which I do know I need to do.  About 30 of those 80 pounds have been dropped since I was diagnosed with Diabetes in August 2007.  It's a backtrack loss because I had actually gained some back even though I was an avid walker before this all happened.

Something I have realized about myself is that the weight battle is mental for me.  I utter the word "diet" and I almost always gain.  I do better if I tell myself that I'm just going to eat healthier.  Exercise is the same kind of deal.

I joined Curves last summer.  I went about four days out of the week and really worked out hard.  I even continued to walk my two miles a day. After a month, I was weighed and measured again.  I was getting bigger!  The physical trainer had no explanation for this except to say she had lousy days too.

It was so frustrating.  All I wanted to do was cry.  It was like my body was fighting me.  This positive change I was trying to make felt so negative. So, I did what I've done so many times before.  I quit.  I really wasn't comfortable in that gym setting to begin with. I went back to just walking.  At least I felt good about that.

I really want to get back to walking when spring gets here.  I'm a little nervous about it though.  I'm wondering how my foot will feel after having lost the toe.  My plan is to start with shorter walks and eventually build my confidence back up for the longer ones.

Both exercise and food are such a mental game for me right now.  I'm determined to win.  I know I have to.  I am too young to let diabetes have me.

My goal is to drop enough weight so that I don't need any prescription medicine anymore.  I want to manage diabetes with my diet alone.

In the past I have had great success dropping weight by eating homemade soups.  I like the kinds you make using clear broths or soup stocks which I make myself.  I like using noodles in my soups, but I have been terrified of the carbs.  Today for the first time since August, I made a pot of beef and noodle soup.  I had one bowl and a salad.  It tasted so good that I wanted more.  I made myself stand firm though.  Maybe in moderation it won't affect my blood sugar as I feared it might.  I figure the only way to know is to eat some and find out later when I test again before supper.  I'm keeping this all documented in my health journal.

Another thing I have noticed is that no two doctor's offices have scales that weigh you the same.  I bought a brand new scale not long ago and it weighs me exactly ten pounds lighter than what the scale says at my family doctor's office.  In the beginning, I was seeing a wound surgeon, endocrinologist and my family doctor.  None of their scales weighed me the same.  At best, I've learned to see the scale as a guestimation.

The real mark of weight loss success is when you start shrinking into smaller sizes.  I'm happy to say that is happening to me.  I'll write more on how I try to outwit my brain with clothes and weight management in a future post.