My missing toe invaded my dreams...

It's really been bothering me lately that I can't wear sandals ever again since I've had my big toe amputated.  It's even invaded my dreams.

A few nights ago I had this dream that I had gotten a pedicure and my toes were painted with a sexy ruby red polish.  I was so happy that I put on a pair of strappy sandals and forgot I was missing my big left toe.

In my dream I was fixated on how beautiful my toes were with this sexy ruby red polish.  I felt like I was walking on air.  I wore my sandals shopping all day and did not have a care in the world.

At the end of the day, a group of people starting looking at me, whispering, pointing and then laughing.  It was then that I remembered I didn't have a toe.

All of my happiness drained from me and I was ashamed.

I woke up crying.

I've tried to have the "it could have been worse" attitude regarding my toe amputation.  That staph infection could have claimed more of me had I not agreed to it.  Some days I want to feel sorry for myself though.  It's always going to be hard to look at my foot every morning in the shower.  I wonder if I'll ever truly get over it.

I still consider myself young at 43.  The inner child in me wants to throw a tantrum because she can't wear sandals ever again. I know that's crazy. Yet, the feelings are real.

I don't know why such a dream surfaced.  Maybe I have more emotions to work through.  I don't know.  Maybe it's because I sell Avon and wish I could wear some of the pretty flip flops they have this year.  Maybe it's because I always loved having painted toenails in the summer.  I guess I could still do that, but it might look kind of funny with my toe missing.  I'm certainly not going to be showing anyone.  I would be the only one to see it.

I'm always going to wish I was a diabetic with all my toes.

Thanks for reading.

(As I mentioned, I do sell Avon.  You can order online here and shipping will be free.  That's a pretty good deal when you consider gas prices these days. It's one of my favorite places to pamper myself. Register and I'll send you my online specials as they occur.)

Comments

[Roger Miles]

Its not as bad as what I had, I had fallen off of a roof whilst re-surfacing tarmac, lost both my legs and about half a dozen teeth. Looking on the bright side, your lucky you can still walk; where as I, i have no legs. Your lucky you can't wear sandles, I cant wear trousers, i have to wear a pair of pants attached and taped to my body... Hell, i dont even have my penis anymore because of this accident.

Look, what im saying is, be happy for what you have! dont dwell on the past because it will only affect your future, though sometimes the past is hard to leg it slip, but you just gotta think to yourself, the more i thnk about it, the more its gonna hurt me.

Remember, ALWAYS believe in yourself, for dreams can come true.

[The Sweet Diabetic]

Roger,

I am so sorry to hear of what happened to you in that accident. I can't imagine the depth of emotions you must feel. I know that my own sorrow about losing my toe wouldn't even fill a thimble compared to what you have gone through. Yet, it is very hard for me. I do know, as you say, it could have been worse.

I wish you many blessings.

The Sweet Diabetic