My Toe Amputation Brought About Strange Fears

After my left big toe amputation I became afraid to shave my legs and trim my toenails.  Let me tell you why.

First of all, the toe amputation was a real shock when it happened.  I had a blister from walking in the wrong kind of shoes that developed a rapid moving staph infection.  I was diagnosed with diabetes when I went to the emergency room with a big red swollen angry looking toe and numbness in my foot. 

From diabetes diagnosis to toe amputation was exactly one week.  It was a lot for my mind and body to process.

As my healing process began, I became increasingly afraid of trimming my toenails and shaving my legs.  I was terrified of nicking my legs with a razor and getting another infection.  I was afraid of clipping my toe nails and getting that wrong, thus causing more problems.  I had been reading all the literature given to me in the hospital and it frankly paralyzed me with fear.

Toe amputation for a diabetic is nothing to sneeze at.  It's a very real complication.  In my case, the staph infection flared the diabetes and the high blood sugar fed the staph infection.  A week of intravenous antibiotics was not doing anything to slow it down.  Toe amputation was really my only choice. 

This happened to me in August of 2007.  I still say very sincere prayers when I shave my legs and trim my toenails. I'm mindful to be careful.  I also tell myself that I've healed from much worse than a little nick from shaving my legs or something from the rough edge of a toenail. 

The fear has lessened over time, but it is still there.  Many times I've told myself to feel the fear and do it anyway.  I have to live my life.  I will not live with Sasquatch legs or hooves for toenails.  You know?

My point is that if you go through a diabetes related toe amputation, it's ok to be afraid for a little while afterwords.  You just can't let you keep from moving on.  As for me, I vow to have healthy pretty toes from now on even if there are only nine of them.  My legs will be soft and smooth too.  As a friend of mine likes to say, I'll put my big girl panties on and deal with it.

Thanks for reading.