The Apostle Paul wrote in 2 Corinthians 12:8-9 ESV ...
Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
I often feel this way with diabetes. Many believe the Apostle Paul perhaps had a speech impediment, was hard of hearing and or had bad eyesight. Whatever it was, he kept sincerely asking God to take it away from him. He pleaded and pleaded and God taught him that he needed to rest in His grace and live with it.
If you are anything like me, you've been on your knees so many times asking for your diabetes to be healed that you have callouses. Obviously, God can heal absolutely anything He chooses to. So, why are some of us left out?
There are people who have told me that I could heal myself if I just checked my emotions. I was even told I had anger issues and was passive aggressive … because I didn't have the power to heal myself. I'm human. I know that was said to hurt me, but it did cause some inner reflection. I pray for God to heal me each and every day. I don't throw a fit with God. I do get frustrated with myself on a regular basis because “I” can't fix it.
Perhaps that's the real problem.
God needs all the glory. He is the great “I am”, not this chick.
Perhaps, like the Apostle Paul, I wouldn't be doing what God wants me do without this diabetic thorn in my side. I wouldn't be reaching out to others who feel the same pain of affliction as I do if I didn't have this struggle. Perhaps He needs me to reach that one person that needs help and He wants me to be his helper. Perhaps without diabetes, I would never connect with that person. Maybe it's you or the next person who reads this post after you. Who knows?
I have to realize that this dis-ease in my life is much bigger than my wants.
As much as I don't want diabetes to be my purpose in life, what if it is?
I try to eat right.
For the most part, I do what my doctor tells me to do.
I meditate every day to try and keep my frustration on the lowest possible threshold.
Many times I fail.
Is God making His power known through me by my weaknesses?
I have been saying out loud to God everyday in recent weeks that His grace is sufficient for me.
Normally, I am not an angry person. However last week it welled in me at fever pitch until it spilled over into a couple of friendships. I believe it was God giving me a final push to end my consulting with people who believe in Him in principle but not in His salvation. I believe I was being pulled from the path He wants me walking, my purpose. I was letting it happen. I have been feeling I should let go for some time. It was only through this anger, that I have no doubt was spot on, that I was able to take the action I didn't have the bravery to do before. God gave me a strong intuition and it rarely fails me.
Today, after taking that action and through many tears of release, that anger is gone. Poof.
I'm not the holy person of God, the Apostle Paul was. No, far, far, far from it. I think God knocked me over the head with my rarely felt emotion of anger to get me to do what I had to do so he could bring to pass some of the other prayers I've been praying. A cure for diabetes would be a plus … but maybe he needs to reach others through me.
Maybe I need to live like His grace is sufficient for me by surrendering. Maybe that is the place my miracle will come from.
Stranger things have happened.
Thanks for reading.
Sherry Stoll lives on a farm in Northwest Missouri with her husband, pets, and farm animals. She's been writing about her personal journey with diabetes since 2007. You can read more of her story at her blog, The Sweet Diabetic . She also writes a blog about life on the farm, her love of crafting and essential oils at Sherry Stoll Living .